bitch
Today when i came home from work, i went straight to my room, and burst out crying, i just stood there lettings the tears fall, i felt so down, i havent felt so down since me and lucus broke up.
Me and lucus have been apart for nearly 3 months, and all that time i've been fine, i've been moving on with my life, but today i miss him so much.
But it was'nt lucus who brought tears to my eyes, it was humiliation and adam ( sort of), heres what happened:
I went into work today, everything was o.k, while i was there for my morning shift, i decided to make new notices for the surgery, coz the old ones were looking really tatty.
So in the afternoon, i typed up everything on the computer and i was colouring in the ones from the main front door, but then the surgery got really busy, so i put the notices aside and continued with other work, i had to do all the filing and the prescriptions.
Adam was upstairs for most of the time typing the referal letters, it was nearly time to close the surgery, but it was still so busy.
Then Adam took this silver case out of his pocket, and pulled out a photo of a girl, and asked me what i thought of her, so i said "yeah she's alright, who is she?" and then he said something that kinda took me by surprise, it was somert i did'nt wana hear " my Girlfriend", and then he told me how, her name was Sharika, and that he'd met her in manchester, two weeks ago.
I felt kinda shocked, where did this girl suddenly come from, but i did'nt think about it for long, and continued with my work.
At this point adam did seem abit calmer with me, so i guess things were back to normal between us.
Well, as i was so busy with other surgery stuff, i did'nt have time to finish the notices, so i thought that i'd finish them tommorrow.
So we locked everything up and as doctor randell locked the main door, i said " the door looks plain now", the dr said what do you mean? and i said you know without the posters!!", me and my fuckin big mouth, if only i had kept it shut.
Dr randell totally blew off at me, she said why did'nt you put the posters up?, don't you know how important they are?
While driving us home, she kept on going on about it, she said, how could i of been so stupid and irresponsible, adam just sat there, i was so angry, i wanted to shout back at her, but i could'nt.
I did'nt think that the posters were such a big deal, i was gonna put them up tommorrow anyway.
I felt soo humiliated, especially by the fact, that she was screwing at me infront of adam, she made me look soo low, what must he have thought of me?
When she dropped me off, i said bye to them, opened the front door, ran upstairs and started crying.
I felt so confused and when i thought about adam's girlfriend, that made me cry even more, i sort of liked adam, we got on so well, and i wanted to be the girl he asked out.
When jas saw me crying, she asked what'd happened, so i explained everything to her, she told me next time, don't take a lift home with Dr randell, and she told me not to think about adam, it was lucus who i should be thinking about.
But now i'm crying , i feel so shit i feel like i'm stupid and nothing.
I want to be held, i want to be loved, all those times i said to myself that i did'nt need lucus anymore, i was wrong, jas is right, i want him so bad right now, i want him to cuddle me in his arms, to kiss me better, and tell me that everything is gonna be o.k
I want him so bad, but i don't have the guts or the strength right now to call him, would he even wanna talk to me?
I don't know, everything was going so well, so why did i have to so and stuff things up, why did'nt i just leave the posters like they were, all i was tryoing to do was make things look better and look where that got me.
But after all this i agree with drew, he's always been right, Dr Randells a bitch.