the birthday
Well i have'nt written this before, but over the last few months, me and Nicole have sorted out our differencesl, we've put the Joel issue behind us, so we're back to being mates again.
I can't believe we even let a guy come between us like that, a guy who we both clearly had no feelings for.
Anyways, earlier on this evening, me, Kam, Jay and Sabz went out to celebrate Nicoles Birthday, and this guy called Shaz who we met during easter also came.
Everything went great, we had a slap up meal, took pictures, and had cake.
But..... I could'nt concentrate, he was at the back of my mind the whole time, i could'nt even laugh.
Just before our meal arrived, i went to the loo, i was fixing myself up and looking at the mirror, and then the next minute i was crying, i felt alone, like no one understood or cared about wat i was going through.
I guess i must've been in there for like 10 mins or more, coz the next thing i knew, nicole was knocking on the door, wanting to know wat was keeping me.
So i opened the door and let her in, she saw my face and asked wat was wrong, she gave me a hug, while i cried and told her everything that had happened, when i went to see lucus THAT DAY, i never really meant for all that to happen, its just that my anger let me get carried away, and that now i was on some shity anti- depressants.
Nicole totally understood were i was coming from, she was so supportive, everyone else has just looked down at me, thinking wat a nutter i am.
Even Jas, my closest mate, does'nt understand, she said that breaking up with a guy was'nt that a bigger deal, maybe not for her, but for me it is, Lucus meant everything to me.
So anyways, after we came out from the Loo, everyone was asking wat we'd been doing in there for so long, so we just said that we'd been gossiping in there, coz i did'nt want shaz knowing and think was i was a loony.
After that, i really tried hard to mnake an effort to cheer up, i felt it was the least i could do for Nicole, after she'd been so great.
We did go cruzing down, Ilford lane, and stuff, and pumped the music to the max, but even that loud music, could'nt take the thought of HIM away from my mind.
I don't think that anything will take him away from my mind.